her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
