What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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