oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
