This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
