I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Randomize