When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
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