We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize