Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
