Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Randomize
