Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
