Life is so much better after having sex.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
