i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
My pussy is not your playground.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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