walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Randomize
