need another drink. this is the easiest way
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
