i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
