Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Randomize
