i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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