Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
