no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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