I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
