why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize