ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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