Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
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