You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
