the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
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We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
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Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
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