my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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