Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
