Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
