I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
