the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Randomize
