his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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