WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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