my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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