FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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