I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Im part way to drunk.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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