My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
