he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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