She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
