maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
