I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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