Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
now i know why i became what i already was.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Randomize
