mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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