Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
