tell your sister to shave her snatch
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
