we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Congratulations! We have a period
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
