i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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