girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
