Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
