tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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