Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
