It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
All the doctor said was why
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
