I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
