There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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