I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Randomize
