Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
