it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
