I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
You may now shotgun with the bride
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
