yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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