how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
