If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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