it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
When did angry sex become our thing?
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
