Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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