thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
