You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
