shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
