Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
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