mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
