I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
