My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
