Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Randomize
