I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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