I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Randomize
